I mixed the plain yogurt with the powder and painted it on my body with a foundation brush I had lying around. It was fairly easy, I am completely orange head to toe. It’s pretty funny when I look at myself. I think I’m going to do this every day until I see some positive change and it’s also a reminder to not pick because as good as it feels, the amount of work I’m doing to reverse the scars and the pain is very time consuming and sometimes difficult to deal with. I want to get better so I never have to do this anymore. Maybe if it works I’ll keep a turmeric/yogurt mask in my weekly routine but cut down to one or twice a week instead. I will do anything to get better.
It’s also quite difficult to remove the yellow stains it leaves on the skin so hopefully the yogurt will dilute the yellow and make it easier to come off, as I have heard. Going to leave it on for 30 minutes every day. Quite the process but hopefully worth it. Will report bag with results when I start to see them.
This is what years of self-hate looks like. I am sorry I don’t know how to put a click through to the photo so I couldn’t really put a trigger warning but this is it-Dermatillomania in full effect. For those of you who said you’ll stop eventually. This is wht eventually looks like and there’s no turning back.
I would give anything not to see this every time I wake up in the morning. I would give anything not to hate myself this much anymore. I would give anything to have stopped myself all those years ago before I thought this would ever get so serious.
This is my most intimate moment on tumblr. I’m exposing myself to you.
Mario Badescu Drying Lotion
I am not even kidding when I say this is a Godsend. The ONLY acne spot treatment product I have used where I actually saw overnight results. I had three cystic volcanoes that I had picked and scabbed up on my forehead and this flattened them out the next morning. I was so happy I could cry. It’s day two and they are completely gone. The drying lotion is amazing, it brings everything to either a head or pushes it back in before it can become a bad bump.
I bought it at Nordstrom, it’s $17 and well worth it, I am sure you can get it online if anything. I am never deviating from this product again. EVER. EVER. My face looks even this morning. There is still TONS of discoloration and hyper-pigmentation but at least it’s not looking bumpy and my makeup will smooth over it.
I am so happy, I finally found an effective spot treatment.
I’m currently sitting in my onesie doing homework, but I decided as I sit around and try to crank out this paper, might as well put on a mask I came up with a few days ago.
All ingredients you can find in your cupboard:
- Grapeseed oil
- Aspirin (crushed finely)
- Chamomile tea (the contents inside the tea bag)
My friend introduced me to grapeseed oil as a natural moisturizer a few days ago and I have to say I am freaking hooked. At first I didn’t believe her but then I used it and now I don’t think I’ll use a regular lotion ever again. It doesn’t feel greasy and it has no smell!
It has the same antioxidants as green tea, black tea, berries, and red wine. The antioxidants in the oil are called procyanidolic oligomers (PCO’s), known for their health giving properties/anti-agin effects, and are more powerful than vitamin C and vitamin E. It also contains polyphenols, which are antioxidants that can slow the process of aging, as well as having anti-inflammatory properties which can help clear up acne. Using the oil will help prevent the pores clogging and breakouts, it is very good for oily skin as well. It also contains a high amount of linoleic acid, which is a fatty acid essential for the health of the skin and cell membranes. It is known for locking in moisture instead of sitting on top of the skin-this helps fight free radicals and stop some of the enzymes that destroy collagen, elastin and other connective tissue. It inhibits problems such as fine lines and wrinkles, you don’t ever need to spend money on expensive under eye wrinkle creams-this is SO MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE.
Not only is it good for your skin, it is excellent for your circulatory system, and can help with varicose veins and spider veins. It also helps: premenstrual syndrome (when used for cooking of course or taken orally), dental cavities, cancer, chronic venous insufficiency (damaged valves in the veins, carryign blood to the heart). In cooking, it is cholesterol free and it helps lower the density in lipoproteins (bad cholesterol) and raise high density lipoproteins (good cholesterol).
I rubbed it on my thighs and legs after shaving and it completely took away my redness from razor burn which I am very sensitive to. This morning I woke up with ZERO bumps on my thighs and now I’m going to use it every day. I rub it every where, and on my stretch marks too (collagen builder remember?).
The mask I just did for an hour, I put the chamomile tea and the crushed aspirin in to the oil and heated it up for about 8-10 seconds in the microwave before lathering it on my face. Both chamomile and aspirin have swelling and redness reducing properties, not to mention chamomile is filled with incredible natural antioxidants too.
There is always a way out of the situation. There is always a chance. I’m going to try and try and try ‘til I get this fucking thing right. I’m going to free myself.
I’m watching My Strange Addiction and it’s sort of about people with extremely odd compulsions. It’s freaking me out, I’m physically repulsed and it just reminds me I don’t ever want to get so bad with my Derma that I become like these people. It’s an eye opener.
On another note, I painted my nails again. My face is looking better, my blemishes are healing up but the scarring is still bad. Every day is a little bit of progress. I know it’ll be gone one day, hopefully sooner than later.
I’ve realized I wasn’t born this way, and I won’t die this way. I created this, and I can destroy it. I used to be a happy kid, with GREAT skin. I wasn’t shy, I was always performing for people. My mother would constantly get told I should be in magazines or commercials, and for a little while I did some of that. I do miss feeling free enough to belt out songs and dance for strangers or just being comfortable in my own skin. I want that back, I’m going to have it.
So I bought an adult onesie pajama to control my picking. I got mine at Target for $25 and it’s flannel and super comfortable with pockets. It’s not the one in the picture, but it’s pretty silly looking either way. I do feel like it’s stopped me from being able to pick my back or arms or legs so it’s helping, plus I feel all snuggly and warm :)
I’m putting toner on my back daily and then tea tree oil and then I zip myself into my onesie and voila! It’s been two days and the mess I had made on my back is still red but not as bad as before. My face is another story, it actually physically hurts to smile because my skin is so raw. I’m going to wash my face and put on a calming cream and hopefully that will help. No more harsh acne products for a while, just give my skin some time to rest.